Funny Insults

Insulting Insults

  • You are as useful as a grave robber in a crematorium.
  • You are as useless as a carpet fitters ladder.
  • About as much use as a one legged cat trying to bury a turd on a frozen lake.
  • You are as much use as mudguards on a tortoise.
  • You are as useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy butt.
  • You’re as useless as a screen door on a submarine.
  • I’m no proctologist, but I know as ass when I see one.
  • We all sprang from apes, but you didn’t spring far enough.
  • You’re as much use as an ashtray on a motorbike.
  • You shouldn’t play hide and seek, no one would look for you.
  • Your family tree must be a cactus because everybody on it is a prick.
  • You’re the reason they invented double doors!
  • Oh my God, look at you. Was anyone else hurt in the accident?
  • You only annoy me when you’re breathing.
  • What’s the difference between you and eggs? Eggs get laid and you don’t.
  • You are about as much use as a one legged man at an ass kicking competition.
  • I’m not saying I hate you, but I would unplug your life support to charge my phone.
  • You are as much use as Captain Hook at a gynecologists convention.
  • You are proof that God has a sense of humor.
  • You’re as much use as a trap door on a lifeboat.
  • Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.
  • You fear success, but really have nothing to worry about. – Sarcastic Quotes
  • I have neither the time nor the crayons to explain this to you.
  • Maybe if you ate some of that makeup you could be pretty on the inside.
  • I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap out a smarter statement than that.
  • Two wrongs don’t make a right, take your parents as an example. – Funny Quotes
  • If laughter is the best medicine, your face must be curing the world.
  • You must have been born on a highway because that’s where most accidents happen.
  • You couldn’t direct a turd down a toilet.
  • Somewhere out there is a tree, tirelessly producing oxygen so you can breathe. I think you owe it an apology.
  • If you’re gonna be a smart-ass, first you have to be smart. Otherwise you’re just an ass.
  • Don’t leave yet. I want to forget you exactly the way you are.
  • You bring everyone a lot of joy, when you leave the room.
  • I don’t exactly hate you, but if you were on fire and I had water, I’d drink it.
  • If you are going to be two faced, at least make one of them pretty.
  • Why don’t we play horse? I’ll be the head and you just be yourself.
  • Don’t look out of the window – People will think that it’s Halloween.
  • Bet your ass is jealous of the amount of crap that just came out of your mouth?
  • Roses are red, violets are blue, I have 5 fingers, the 3rd ones for you.
  • I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you never use it.
  • Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. – Sarcastic Quotes
  • I’d like to see things from your point of view but I can’t seem to get my head that far up my ass.
  • It’s better to let someone think you are an Idiot than to open your mouth and prove it. – Funny Quotes